Wednesday, November 26, 2008

this was an email i just sent to my mom.

i was curious of what causes jaundice so i looked it up.
apparently you cleaned my liver of bilirubin for me with your liver when i WAS IN YOUR WOMB
which i appreciated greatly but it made me not able too poop out my bilirubin and it built up in my skin and thats why i had jaundice.
so i thank your liver because he was only looking out to clean me when i was just a baby
thank you from my organs to yours
and no hard feelings about the whole situation, i poop fine now
i love you mom
love your eldest.

needless to say she thought i was nuts.

Monday, November 24, 2008

sweata sweata go getta

so im back from chicago and i feel like it was exactly what i needed. i've been so stressed out lately that i needed to get away before i went nuts.kev and i had a lot of fun even when we were driving for hours on end. kev's friend melissa was so nice and so were her roommates and it was cool that they let us stay there. we did a bunch of different things and ate a lot of toasted sandwiches and drank a lot of carmel apple ciders, which is now a staple again in my life. i think they think we're both nuts considering we kept talking about mimsys and borgoves hahahaha
but anyway
we left on wednesday night and it took us around 12hours to get there which was great and basically slept all of thursday away. went thrift store shopping but was unsuccessful but kinda was successful considering that was what kept us warm before the show. gaslight anthem played first and they need to get a grip on their set list. they didn't play the song kev and i wanted to hear and covered this eight minute cover song which no one cared about. but they did play some songs from their new cd that i enjoyed-which kev and i were embarrassed to even sing out loud. but overall, i'd say was a bum out. i think kev would've enjoyed it more if andrew was there because i just kept saying how disgusted i was. thrice was next and it was weird seeing them because i thought they fell off a cliff back in 2003. i always saw them in highschool by default and never really cared about them. kev said they just put out four concept EP's that were based off of wind, fire, blah blah basically they want to be a captain planet tribute band.they played for too long even though i didn't mind it as much as i probably sound now. so alkaline went on and they opened up i think with private eye. if not, then they played private eye, whatever i was a little drunk. they played emma which i was surprised because i thought everyone forgot about good mourning. they played a lot from the new record which was awesome because even though its a little poppy, agony and irony is a pretty good record. the only problem i had was that they only played for 20mins. yep, that's it. i guess that's what i get for driving to the middle of the country to see them when they aren't headlining. i was bummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmed times ten. NOT EVEN INCLUDING the fact that matt skiba was wearing more eyeliner than i ever have in my entire life and he was dressed in the color white. white shoes, jeans, shirt-really? and suspenders and a silly hat. i dont know what happened to him. what a gorgeous mess.

ill add more laterrrrr

Sunday, November 16, 2008


who wants to go to the MOMA with me?
i want to go again because i didnt get to see everything the last time i went.
i want to see thingsss plz.
i have been doing nothing at work except for wasting away the hours on the Internet by reading celebrity blogs, quizzes, checking my email and facebook repetitively, and doing everything besides for doing actual school work. im a procrastinator as is though. is there anything else i can do online? i feel so, nonproductive. maybe because i dont really do anything. i wish i worked during the week so the hours didn't drag. my new thing is to google search things, well thats not really new to me, but rather than what im searching...medical things. i cant spit the words out to form a complete sentence sorry. like gout, psychological disorders, and diseases. i dont know if its because im a partial hypochondriac or just because i work in a hospital.but really, thats foul....

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gout stool.
F O U L.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

a year later

and i still feel like im questioning things.

i bet you didn't think your decisions a year ago would still be affecting you or us now.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


so im feeling a little bit better about things than a few days ago.
today i dont feel as terrible as i did on thurs, fri, and yesterday.
everytime i get sick like that i let it take over my life and i feel like i have to reassess everything else thats im my life. its like i cant seem to focus on anything else thats going on besides how and why i became sick. i hope that no one else has to go through this, its the worst pain ever. the kind of pain that wakes you up in the morning and keeps you up at night. ok, but im going to stop there with the complaining because its not worth it. anyway, thats almost over:)
the best thing that happened this week though was that i ended up getting a grant that paid off the rest of my loan for the fall semester. i didnt think i was going to be able to go to school in the spring because of my $3500 out standing balance for this semester. so that means i dont have to get a full time job to try and work off the $3500. and this means i get to keep getting free medicine through temple anddddd i wouldnt have to take a semester off. although, im still going to be set back because i didnt think i would be able to get into my internship because of the money issue but im glad i have the chance to go to school at all. im working on my credit so i hopefully wont have any problems next semester. or at least as bad as i had it for the fall.
so cool right?
so im feeling better, going to school, got medical coverage, wont have to start paying back loans yet, and life is good. no, god is good, life is great. hahaaa was talking about that video from third grade today where i sang that song at communion ridicccc
now next on my list, getting back into shape. went to the drs. on friday and i weighed in at 106 which is awesome considering i dont do anything but eat snacks and take nap-spittin my ryhmes all the time. shout out ot a future eminem on salmon street-yeah, just need to do something though. i need to get rid of this thing around my tummy that i developed when i stopped riding my bike and started dating kev. ahem. but thats what i get for watching the food network all days for days on end.

the count down for chicago is ten days.
im excited because ive never been. i wish i wasnt working on that saturday so we could stay longer. im nervous about taking kevs car though because his transmission is slowly going and my dumb luck, ill be stranded in some empty field in illinois. and then i would cry. a lot. in reality though, if it were to break down, we would probably be in kentucky because kev will think hes right about taking a turn instead of listening to any of the directions.
it should be funnn havent seen alkaline in a few years and seeing them in chicago should be rad
and the little guy is coming with us! splashbox the traveler.he is the best. love that little grump.

gotta get back to studying art history

ps was going through my photobucket
look how gay i was five years ago.
hopefully you cant click on this thing enought to read my shirt.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

haiiiiikus.that dont mean anything

these silly haikus
are what i complete at work
when you are not here:)

cakes are people too
when you look at them underneath
all full of filler.

oh baby please
my heart sinks to my feet
its just you and me.

things you hate the most
are the ones that i call home
to be left unsaid.

yesterday is ours
now is todays tomorrow
further calls my name.

hello little bird
maybe today will be yours
where you can escape:)

when pizzas on a
bagel you can eat pizza
-ok so that one doesnt fit. but wo cares.

into my pocket
goes everything i need
including my bee.

pockets and buttons
crushed leaves with two dryer sheets
on the walk back home.

personal, descriptive
binding taping layering
personal through application

go ahead tell me im a nerd.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

don't pick this one apart because you'll never understand it.

i cant.
youre asking this of me now without even considering where i am in my life right now and who it involves. youre only out to get for yourself and maybe i should'nt be the one to say that...considering the facts. but its a lot harder for me to answer this question than it has to answer many.
[i'm aware that this doesn't make sense to a single person but to me]
i know what i'm talking about and this is my response to what you sent me.
i can only do what i think is right and i know im not sure right now what that is exactly, not to mention how i messed up already, but i'm trying to salvage what is left

of me
of us

i cant give up yet
even though-
even though sometimes i want to.
i have already lost so much, i dont want to lose anymore.
you're probably thinking lose what?
and maybe thats half of my problem.
or all of my problem.

full of conjunctions i know.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


i just wrote the longest blog ever and it got deleted.
heres some pictures.
i really need to get my digital camera back in action.
hate not having one.
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phillies parade

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bfb baybeee
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maggie and i at the parade.

the blog was about this insane week. maybe when i get more patience and time ill try posting it again.

this was the lost blog. thats not even finished. whateves

its been a crazy week
and a lot of fun
the beginning of the week is a little blurry. tuesday printmaking, hangout with ryz for some unexpected awesomeness of food-AND IT SNOWED FOR THE FIRST TIME!! it wasnt too much and looked beautiful. i love when you look up and it falls slow just enough to catch it on your tounge. ps <3maggies song

wednesday was jana maganas birthday:) so after kev and i got our fabric for our halloween costumes her and i went out to 12 steps down to watch the last innings of the game. after only two beers in each of us we proceeded to run, yes run, to broad street. (lawl:two words, SHIN SPLINTS.) go figure. when im drunk i can do anything.we wanted to yell so we got out on the median-we were one of the first people who made it out to broad street mind you-and realized we started yelling with these people who were supporting obama. i was like, im not trying to do this right now. wrong kind of yelling. so then we ran down broad street some more and ended up running into justin and company. he gave us a treat and then more people started to flood the streets. later on kev somm and maggie teamed up and we walked around some more and people were going nuts. nakedness, drunks, broken things, riots, bonfires, fireworks, and confetti. so much fun. oh and subway walls hahahahhaaa. public pee count that night:four. total picture count: 17, or so.

havent felt this sick in a while. had to get up and head to crane arts to visit the galleries and my printmaking teachers studio. his studio is huge and p e r f e c t. i have no idea how an artist could be so clean, neat, and organized. and he has an awesome view of the city. i guess you get the penthouse suite when you own the place. then went out to lunch with ryan and priscilla at paradise. mmmmm yeah its a must. then rushed a paper out went to art ed, ate somm EXPENSIVE ass chinese that bummed me out, and more work, then kev and i played with sb t hh for a bit and retired early.
friday went home saw my brother with an aircast and wanted to squish him. now both of my siblings are in boots and both are now immobile. i know im next with my luck. but anyway, someone covered my two hours that i was supposed to go in for work so i figured id head to the parade right from nj. parked at thompson and columbia walked to the el which wasnt running so i hopped on the 15 and took it to broad. orange line wasnt running so i walked to city hall from broad and girard. i dont know why i didnt walk up 13th because i got stuck at city hall literally shoulder to shoulder. i never wanted to punch as many people as i did when i realized i couldnt move. no one had service so i couldnt even call jana or maggie to let them know where i was. but anyway to make matters even better some guy who was about two heads in front of me couldnt hold his liquor and threw up all over the guy next to him and even on the little boy in front of him. ughhh YUCKKKK i was llike NOPE and got out of there asap, the opposite way duhh. once i got away from the 15th and market area and jumped on 13th i just went right to the cop shop where i accidentally ran into maggie which was awesome because phones still werent working. so jana was lost from us for a little bit but then found.

i was able to get in touch with my parents who were at broad and biglar with my little john and natacat. so we made it all the way down broad,surrounded by some of phillys most interesting people.